"to know what you are, would take a lifetime"

My friend Zac wrote the following, and it seems like a good entry for this particular blog:

what is it "to know"?

how do we establish what is right and wrong and know the correct course of action?

one of Webster's definitions

know:to be aware of the truth or factuality of : be convinced or certain of

this is how we most commonly use the word. Another definition given by Webster's is: to perceive directly : have direct cognition of (2): to have understanding of knowing oneself> (3): to recognize the nature of : discern b (1): to recognize as being the same as something previously known (2): to be acquainted or familiar with (3): to have experience of

so by the first definition the word is used in absolute terms. if something is known it is understood fully or infallible. by the second definition it is something previouslt experienced, understood, or similar to something else known...not quite as concrete.

anyway, the reason this question "what does it mean to know something?" comes up is...

how does one select the proper course of actions in their life? they obviously must base their decisions on what they "know", be it the people in their lives, the events, knowledge of circumstances. but all of these theing come back to what we know, or more importantly, what we think we know.

absolutely nothing can be known ansolutely (kinda sounds like the phrase "never say never") So if we understand that nothing can be truely known we admit that all of our decicions are based on what we think we know. We must act on information that we choose to be correct or things that we choose to beleive. But why do we choose to beleive if we cannot be certain without any shadow of a doubt? Because we have faith. We have faith that the odds are in our favor, that the science will back up the facts, that the people we trust will come though, and that our god will be there as we were taught. Any or all of these are how we defend the choices we make from the attacks of our own minds, of our own doubts.

at some point we must act. damn the incessant voices of self doubt. we must act and truley know that what we did was right because we have faith in ourselves and everything that supports us because if we don't we will be torn apart by our own minds.

It is a new year. Welcome to 2009. A lot happened in 2008, but a lot more will happen in 2009. For starters I graduate in 4 months and 3 days. Then it's off to the real world I go complete with a full time job and a place of my own (hopefully at least). As the new year sets in, I've decided to be one of those people who makes a new year's resolution, but they are less of resolutions and more of goals. Goals for the semester, that will hopefully spill over into my life after school. I've decided to post them around my room and hopefully I will see them everydya and so it will help me accomplish them. Some of them are concrete and others are more abstract. I will post them at the end.

As I said, next up in life begins the real world. I did a lot of thinking over break, and although I had been considering Teach for America vs. getting a job, i decided getting a job would be better. I've decided that I'm going to try to avoid things that are just prolonging the future b/c I am too scared. That's all that would be. I thought long and hard about places that I wouldn't mind living and have decided to concentrate mainly in the St. Louis area, but as my mother pointed out, I should explore all my contacts b/c those might lead to something amazing. I also decided that getting a job is the priority and a dream job would be nice, but is not necessary or even necessarily attainable right out of school.

To know oneself is very difficult, and it is possible that you can go through life never knowing yourself fully. I don't want to be one of those people. I believe everything happens for a reason, whether to teach you something, or lead you somewhere, the trick is figuring out which. So that is my next step in this crazy mixed up time we call young adulthood. I've been told many times, everything will work it's way out like it's supposed to. Now comes the hard part... waiting.

"I am who I choose to be. I always have been what I chose -- though not always what I pleased." -- Lois McMaster Bujold

"First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do." -- Epictetus

Goals:

Eat 2 cooked meals a week
Graduate Cum Lade
Send out at least 10 resumes/follow-up on at least 10 connections a month
Step out of your comfort zone when applying to jobs
Start learning how to save and budget now
Work first, play later
Reward yourself for a job well done
Have an amazing Spring break
Go to Colorado for Joana's graduation
No speeding tickets
Stress is not worth your time and energy
No drama! (Especially boy drama, they aren't worth it)
Be open to new ideas
Work out 3 times a week (work does not count)
Live, Laugh, and Love more

My Favorite Time of Year...

So Christmas is my favorite holiday for sure. It's also my favorite time of year. I love the cold weather (unless you live in Memphis and it's 66 degrees on Christmas Eve) and snow (unless you live in Memphis, then it's rain) and how everyone is caring and jolly and ready for the season (unless you're at the mall). :)

In my family we have a lot of traditions, and we are very traditional in the way of Christmas things. The day after Thanksgiving the Christmas lights go up on the house. This year we switched from multi-colored to red and green, but it still looks cool. Chelsea and i get advent calendars from our grandparents in England, which are calendars with doors that you open up and have chocolate in them for each day. About a week and a half to two weeks (depending on when Christmas falls) we go get our tree because we always get a live one... none of this fake crap! usually on a Sunday after church, and then we come home and decorate it and the rest of the house. This year unfortunately i couldn't make it home to pick out the tree, so my parents and sister had to do it without me. They also put the lights up, but left the ornaments for when I got home that week.

Every year, we get a new ornament as well. Each person in my family does. We go out someplace together and we each pick one out. Then we come home and hang them. This year we went to Macy's to get them. Chelsea and I both got mini snow globes with our names on them (they actually had a Kirsten, that does not happen often) and I got a ornament that said 2008, chelsea got a crown, dad got a red bird, and i don't remember what mom got (sorry). We also do a lot of baking. Mom makes fudge and dad usually makes some sort of chocolate (this year he made choclate chip cookies as well). We also make sugar cookies cut in the shape of trees, stockings, bells, stars, santas, reindeer, and snowmen. We make frosting from scratch and then decorate said sugar cookies. It's a good time all around.

Then on Christmas Eve we go to church. Mom and dad usually go to the 8 service because it's early enough where they can come home and watch A Christmas Carol, like they do every year, and also because it's a traditional service and dad likes those better. Chelsea and I like to go to the midnight service (or 11 pm rather) and do communion and candle light. When we lived in Tulsa there were a couple years where we spent all Christmas Eve at Church because Chelsea would sing at the 5 pm service, then me at the 6:30 service, mom and I at the 8 pm service, and then I would stay and sing at the 11 pm service with a few people from the chiors. :) It was always so much fun though.

Christmas day is always fun. It used to be me who woke Chelsea up in the morning, but now she's usually the one who wakes me up (we agree on a time the night before, unfortunately this year, somehow we settled on 7, probably because my parents didn't protest when Chelsea said we would wake them up at 7). So Chelsea and I go through our stockings, which have been left at the foot of our beds or outside our doors, with each other. Then we go downstairs and wake up the parents and they go through their stockings.

Then we wait while they get dressed and set up the video camera and stuff. Next Chels and I come out to the kitchen and get our big presents... in the past those have been a Game Cube, Donkey Konga, a TV (for me), and when we were younger, a mini roller coaster and a American Girl Kirsten Doll. :) Then we usually tear through the rest of our presents, taking about a half hour at the most. Then mom makes breakfast (I think we're having orange rolls tomorrow... mmm). After that we start cooking Christmas dinner, now that we're older Chelsea and I usually help or do the whole thing ourselves, with help from mom of course.

Dinner is usually ready around 2ish and we all sit down in our formal dining room with the Christmas china. Also, since we're half English, we do Christmas more English style complete with Christmas Crackers. For anyone who deosn't know what those are, they look like big colorful tootsie rolls that two people pull apart and on the inside is a paper crown, a joke or trivia fact, and some little toy. After we're done stuffing our faces we get out the the English cookies!!! The best part ever! And we eat those. :)

Of course the next day is a repeat of the dinner, except, actually at dinner time. Then, on New Year's Day, the Christmas season officially ends. We spend the day snacking on left over sweets, chips and other salty things, crackers, and veggies and fruit. We also take down all the christmas lights outside, the decorations inside, and take everything off the tree. Everything goes back to normal.

This year, I leave to go back to school on the 2nd. Classes start on the 7th, but I'm going up early to work that weekend up there. I'm looking forward to the rest of our traditions though. I'm not sure how many I'll be around for next year, so I'm documenting this whole break with pictures of everything. I've posted them all on my Facebook for people to see. It's a good time. :)

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!

What an amazing night!

So last night was Senior Bar Crawl and we started off with ten people. We went to Jillians first to relax from a long day. After about an hour there (and watching the Bears come back in OT) we headed to Ri Ra's which is an Irish pub downtown. We were there for like two hours, though it really didn't seem like that long. They had a live band playing and since the ten of us made up more than half the patrons we got to have anything we wanted played. So we had them play all the Phi Mu songs we could think of... Come On Eileen, Don't Stop Believing, and just random fun songs. After all that, we had about three people leave and the rest of us went to Fast Eddy's. There was a ton of people there. We had a bunch of fun. Slowly through the night our 7 turned to 5, which turned to 3, and the last 3 left at 3 in the morning when the place closed. It was really funny though because I saw one of my managers there as well as one of the bartenders, and so we hung out a little too. :) This night will be remembered forever! It was amazing!

Excting news!

So, as a few of you know... I got pulled over coming home over Thanksgiving... big surprise there. I was really trying not to speed going home too, but that's another story. Anyways. I also didn't have my updated insurance card, so i got two tickets, and a court date to show my insurance card so I wouldn't have to pay the second one. Well the court date was for December 12th at 1 pm... right during finals. At the time, I was thinking this sucks... I'm gonna see if I can get it changed. I called on Monday and whoever I spoke to said, finals weren't enough of an emergency to change my court date, and they only had it once a month anyways. At the time I was thinking, it's a good thing I really don't have finals that day.

I went to my jury rehearsal last night and realized that my jury for my vocal lessons are on Friday at 3:30. Henry, the place where the court is, is 3 hours away. Obviously that wouldn't work. Well of course, I freaked out. So my parents told me to call again today and speak to the city court clerk, since that is the person who makes the docket. So I did, and i told her that I had a final at the same time in Indiana, where I go to school, and I asked her what my options were. She said she would change my court date to the 16th of Jan at 1pm, but if I didn't show up, my license would be suspended. Well the only thing that i'll have is class. :) I can totally skip class, especially since I know all my profs and they know me. :)

Thank you city court clerk, Tania! You just saved me $104!

Finals

So it's finals time here in Evansville which is a time of crazy parties and quiet studying... how do those two mix? Well let me tell you. We have a dead day every semester before finals. It's called Reading/Study Day and it's the Wednesday before finals begin. There are no classes this day. It's like a Saturday in the middle of the week. :) So that Tuesday night becomes one of the last crazy party nights because no one has anything to do the next day. The theater students have ladies' night and man's night. The fraternities usually open their doors to anyone who wants to come, and there's usually one fraternity/sorority that has their semi-formal/formal that night, and therefore... and after party.

Last night was Sig Ep's semi-formal... Blitzen. I didn't get invited to the dance, but I did get invited to the after party. :) My friends Kellie, Claudia, Jesse, Jason, Andrew, and I all had a good time. Lots of dancing... and maybe some drinking too. ;) Then after everyone recvoers the next day... the studying begins for finals, since finals start on Thursday. So everyone studies like crazy for two days and then take a break on friday and saturday. Then on Sunday the studying begins again until finals are over. As soon as your done you go home for Christmas... of course there are a few brave souls who will have fun before finals. I'm not one of them.

Tomorrow night is senior bar crawl though. It should be a fun time. The seniors are all really excited about this. :) Friday is my first final... it's my voice jury. I'm really nervous and excited for this. Saturday night I'm going to a redneck party with my friend JPatt. I have my next final on monday night, one on tuesday at 12:30, and my last one is on Wed. at 10:15... then i will probably head home and work quite a bit over break. :) Last fall finals ever! AHHH! Scary. :(

Thanksgiving Break!!!

I"m home for Thanksgiving Break. I got home last night around 7:30 and will be here until Sunday sometime. Unless of course I decided to take a random road trip to Chatt and see my friends there... who knows, I might. :) It's good to be home. I brought my Wii home so we can play some Wii tennis!!! I also brought home homework so at least I have the intention of doing it. ;) Chels and I are going to see Twilight tonight, I'm going to try and work either Friday or Saturday, and the other day I'm going to go see James Bond with a friend. I'm ready for some good Thanksgiving foods. Technically, I already had one meal... our Phi Mu alums cooked Thanksgiving for us last Sunday and it was amazing! Not as good as home, but still... it was very very very good. :-D

Classes have been going well. I can't believe the semester is almost over. Only a week and a half left of classes when I get back. I had a a ton of fun last weekend. Amanda, Kellie, and I all went over to Sig Ep for Apocalypse Now, the party on Friday night. It was camo themed, so we all put on some cute camo and hot pink accents and went over. We had a blast. We kind of all did our own thing, and hung together at the same time. We even saw some of our other sisters over there becuase it was an advertised party. Kellie and I went downstairs when it became open and had fun hanging out in the 4-men. :) One of the brothers got so drunk on Friday he passed out on the pool table downstairs with a bar stool and got written on... It was really funny because before that he stole a ladder from another room and tried to sell roofs to a few people.

Saturday I went to the basketball game, Amanda worked at a Wine and Dessert bar and after we watched Casino Royale in a friend's room. :) Sunday was work for me and Thanksgiving dinner that night. Then i went over to Sig Ep to study. Then of course was the short week... yay short weeks.

So that's about all for me. Happy Birthda Aunt Sara... I miss you tons and so do many others here.

Everyone have an amazing Thanksgiving and be safe in your travels!!!

Yay cold weather!

So I love the cold weather. It's getting quite cold here. Today is the warmest it's been in about 2 weeks and the high today is 48. I have a friend from Normal, Illinois who is like, this isn't cold, and has yet to wear pants. Every time i see him he has shorts on. Last night it was 28 degrees outside and we walked over to the volleyball game together, and i was like, you do realize it's below freezing... that usually constitutes time to wear pants, and he's like, no use in putting on pants until it snows. Ummm... ok, w/e.

So I have Bronchitis. I've been been hacking up a lung for about 2 months now. I called into work on Sunday because I had to write a paper, and i used my coughing as an excuse. My boss told me to bring in a doctor's note (are in junior high?). So I went to the health center on monday, and they made an appt w/ the doctor here for wednesday. So i went today and he was like, yup, you have bronchitis... good job. So yay me for bronchitis.

Also, it's volleyball IM season!!! I'm playing on two teams, Phi Mu (women's) and Trojans (Co-ed). My Co-ed team rocks, we've won both games so far. I play with Chris, my ex, and a couple of my friends from Harlaxton. My Phi Mu team is not quite so good. Like 5 of us have played before, which in my mind would make us pretty good, but our goal is to get it over the net... none of this pass, set, hit stuff, which tends to be our downfall. That and we're not so good at working as a team because we have two members who like to be ball hogs and they're not good enough to be ball hogs, not even close.

On the academic front, it's been crazy. Yesterday I had a 6 page paper or WWII POWs due and amedia contacts list with 25 media contacts on it. I researched for the paper all last week, but my weekend was insane. Friday was Work, Saturday was Initiation, fmaily dinner, and homecoming, Sunday was supposed to be work, then exec meeting, then formal meeting with elections, and elections take about 5 hours on avg. I tried to work on my paper Saturday night, but my brain was not into working on it. Sunday i started working on it at 11:30, but nothing wsa coming to my mind, so i wrote an outline, got done with the outline about 6, and then went to formal meeting until 11:30 (yay elections). Amanda and I went out for a midnight snack afterwards so about 12:30 i got back and worked on my paper. About 5 am I finally got done and went to bed. got up at 8 for class, monday I spent the day working on my media contacts list, headlines, and audio homework. I had volleyball that night, and after i had a text msg from my friend stephanie. Her mom wsa in the hospital with chest pains, so i went over and gave her some company and we watched forrest gump. So about 1:30 i went back to working on it, and about 5:30 I went to bed. Got up at 9:30 so i could finish wokring on it, and then skipped lunch to finish it and was two minutes late to class because the printer i was using on campus was out of paper.

Last night was my just relax/sleep night. I went bowling with m firend luke and bowled a 78... woot! (sad thing is, that's with 2 strikes). Then i had volleyball. We lost. I was going to go to bed around 11 last night, but Luke asked if i wanted to watch a movie, so I was like sure, and so he came over, and finally, about 2, I went to bed. Honestly, I'm surprised I lasted that long though. Oh the life of a college student. Tonight is work, then volleyballat 10:15 if i get off in time, then bed.